Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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