Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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