I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
