My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
