I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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