Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
