so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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