She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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