I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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