We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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