Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize