Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
