i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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