You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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