When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
