Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
