At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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