hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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