NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
