I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
