I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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