I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
