im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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