There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
