96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
