I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
