she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
