They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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