If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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