Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
