I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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