He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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