the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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