Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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