My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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