If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
