I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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