you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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