im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
