some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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