That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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