ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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