Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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