my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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