so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
