i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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