her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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