i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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