i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
