I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
