I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
