he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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