Banned from zoo.
Again?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
