I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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