Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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