he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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