I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
