im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
