New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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