i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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