Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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