In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
