Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
