So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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