If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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