That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
