ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
